The Mysterious Case of Toby’s Age…

Is he 6? Is he 8? Did he invent time travel? His medical records suggest he remembers where he was in 2018, making him 8ish. Either way, his soul is timeless and his face is iconic .

The Absolute Unit Protocol…

Toby is a wonderfully chunky boy currently undergoing a strict "less chonk, more bonk" diet. He has reluctantly shed a kilo, though he will aggressively yell at you to demand compensation in snacks.

The Pirate's Heart

He can be an anxious wee lad who takes a moment to warm up. But once you’re in his inner circle? Prepare for full-body wiggles, aggressive cuddle sessions, and aggressive personal-space violations.

He previously lived with an elderly couple who treated him like the absolute centre of the universe, and frankly, he expects nothing less from you.

Toby’s Vibe Check-

Approved Crew:

Calm, confident dogs: Ideally a nice lady dog who won't judge his dramatic tendencies.

Older kids: Provided they respect his need for a quiet, predictable lifestyle.

Hard Pass:

Cats: They will be chased. It is not open for negotiation.

Hyperactive young dogs: Absolute chaos monsters frighten him. Keep the vibes low-key.

The Fine Print:

Skin Condition: He has a mild skin issue that’s responding great to treatment, and the rescue will help cover the costs to keep him looking dapper.

The Vet Rivalry: Toby considers veterinarians his sworn mortal enemies. He needs a patient human who will help him realize the vet isn't actually trying to steal his other eye.

Box Destroyer 3000: He has zero interest in hiking or marathon running, but give him a cardboard box or a plush toy and he will utterly annihilate it to prove his masculinity.

Toby doesn't want a chaotic life. He wants a comfy couch, a strict nap schedule, and a loyal servant-er, owner.

 Location: Bedfordshire (you must be willing to travel to collect your new overlord)